Wedding Dance Blog

Have wedding reception traditions become tacky?
Hello All,

So, have many of the wedding reception traditions become tacky? For example:

What do you think about the "Cake Smash" that some brides and grooms now seem to think is funny? Is this funny, or offensive?

How about the groom’s removal of the garter from the bride’s leg? Is this funny, or embarrassing? Then, sometimes, the flower toss winner and the garter toss winner are supposed to get together and the garter toss winner puts the garter on the bouquet toss winner’s leg….is this just putting people on the spot?

What about the Dollar Dance? The majority of people on Answers think this is tacky, but it seems to happen at most weddings. Why does this continue?

Do you really recommend "raffling" off and giving away the centerpieces? Do your guests really want to take the centerpieces home??

Lots of questions, I know…but I’m trying to determine which "traditions" to eliminate….

By Kat on Nov 3, 2009

I say think twice about any traditions that involve people other than the bride and groom.

Cake smash? Garter removal for tossing purposes? If y’all want to do it, then do it. They are traditions, so even folks who might not appreciate that sort of behaviour at other times will know to just sit back and let it happen here.

Making the bouquet and garter catchers "hook up"? Dollar dance? No. These both put people on the spot, really, and I’ve never been fond of such a blatant plea for money.

Hadn’t heard of "raffling off" the centerpieces. We didn’t have centerpieces at my reception, really, and at my friends’ weddings, the centerpieces were usually offered to anyone who had helped with the wedding or reception (and then offered around if there were any remaining).
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By Katie S on Nov 3, 2009

Cake smash was a definite no for us. I guess it was one of the first "trust things for us.

Garter was fun! And you have to toss the bouquet!

Not sure what a dollar dance is and I do nto recal what happened to the centerpeices.

Just remember it your wedding so do what want and leave all the other things out!
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By paintingj on Nov 3, 2009

i dont know about most of these. i’ve always found all the traditions in a wedding to be really confusing, and i’ve never known the reasons behind them. all i know is that we had a great time with the dollar dance at my best friend’s wedding, because after the guys danced with the bride, we all got back in line and danced with the groom. it was great. so i think it all depends on how you look at it. you can treat it as a tacky tradition, or just have fun with it. it’s up to you.
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By JEWfan2 on Nov 3, 2009

It seems a lot of traditions have just gone out of style.

I have already warned my fiance that I do not wish to have cake smashed in my face. I dont know why, I would just prefer to not have frosting all over my face. *Shrug*

We’ll do the garter and bouquet toss but we wont make the catchers dance together or put the garter on her leg or any of that, unless they want to. Who am I to stop them?

I have actually never been to a wedding where the had the Dollar Dace or a Dollar Tree. But from all descriptions I’ve heard, I would be pretty put off is I was expected to participate in something like that.

I’ll probably just let people take home a centerpiece if they want to, or somehow incorporate my centerpieces and my favors together. I’ve never heard of raffeling them off.

I dont know, My wedding is going to be fairly untraditional anyways. I’ll be curious to see what other people have to say.
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By classiclindsey on Nov 3, 2009

Ok, I didn’t do a cake smash- if that’s where you smash it into the other person face. Reason why I didn’t? I didn’t want to ruin my dress and we bought my husbands suit instead of renting a tux. Same price, but we could use it again. I didn’t want to pay a dry cleaner’s bill.

The garter thing- I did that, but I just figured it was tradtion. It’s slightly tacky if your husband is one of those guys who slipped a pair of panties into his shirt sleeve and pulls those out acting like he got those instead. That is annoying.

I did something different with my bouqet toss. I actually find it hilarious how many people dive for the flowers so I went one up on them. I had four little bouqets made that when held together, looked like one. I had bought this set of charms from a craft store that normally you put between the top and middle laywer of the cake. You have bridesmaids pull them out by the strings they are tied to and whatever the charm is- that is their future. For instance, one was a baby shoe (next to have a baby), one was a four leaf clover (lucky), and so on. But there were 8 of them and we had a small wedding with only 2 bridesmaids. So, I opted to tie two charms around each of my four bouqets. When I tossed them, people scrambled for it like usual, but got confused when they saw four of them. It made for some hysterical pictures.

Anywho, the guy who caught the garter was the boyfriend of one of the girls that caught a bouqet. We didn’t put them on the spot and make them dance though. I caught a bouqet when I was 12 and had to dance with a much older boy at my aunts wedding and it was humiliating. So, no I wouldn’t put someone on the spot like that.

The dollar dance, I wouldn’t do it. Some people don’t know what it is or what they are supposed to do, so it can turn out badly with all the people just looking around wondering what to do. If you want to have a place for cash- make a Wishing Well and put it by your gift table.

Raffling off centerpieces- tacky. I gave mine to whoever wanted them because they were fresh flowers and I didn’t want them. People were actually asking me if I would care if they took them. Nope, go right ahead- less for my family to clean up later.

That’s my take on all that.
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By Phoenixsong on Nov 3, 2009

I agree the cake smash is stupid and we didn’t do it at our wedding.

The garter toss I think is just traditional fun and I don’t have a big problem with it. We didn’t make a big deal of it though, with a band and an MC and a lot of hamming it up. We didn’t do the second part though – we just took a picture of the garter toss person and the flower toss person together and left it at that. I agree the second part is silly.

Dollar dance is fine I think – people can participate or not. And I recommend keeping it reasonably short – some I have seen have gone on for what seemed like hours. It does give everybody a chance to dance with the bride and groom. We actually didn’t do it because we had an outside reception that was not set up well for dancing.

Raffling off centerpieces is stupid. Nobody wants that stuff. It’s tacky at a wedding. You do it at fundraisers, not weddings. I’ve never seen it done.

Bottom line, it’s your wedding and you can do what you want. Once couple I know did a picnic complete with a barbeque (they catered that) croquet, badminton, water pistols, sack races, frisbees and other games. Best reception I ever went to.

EDIT

The other comments on the dollar dance are interesting. I’m west coast and does seem to be common tradition here and no one seems offended by it – it seems just a way to get to dance with the bride and groom. Some people do seem to miss it if you don’t do it. So maybe its regional.
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By Bozema on Nov 3, 2009

Cake smashing- I am not really into it but some people think it’s funny… normally not the bride.

Garter and flower toss- I LOVE. And it’s not putting people on the stop because you don’t HAVE to go up if you don’t want to!!

Dollar Dance and Money Tree- Tacky and it’s just tacky and rude to ask for money PERIOD.

Raffling- I don’t think it’s tacky- It does stop a lot of fights over centerpieces. I have been at wedding when the ladies start fighting over them… It can get nasty. So some people family need raffles. Like my friend used beautiful glass vases for her centerpieces- she HAD to have a raffle because people were already fighting over who go them while eating dinner.
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By bubbles on Nov 3, 2009

I would be pissed if my Fiance Smashed Cake in my face.

I think the garter removal is undignified. Putting the garter on the girl that caught the bouquet is raunchy.

Dollar Dance does not happen usually here on the East Coast, I’ve only seen it on the West Coast.

I would let the people at the table decide among themselves if they want to take the centerpiece home.
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By Vicki B on Nov 3, 2009

I am very anti-tradition. Do what you like. I personally told my fiance’ I’d KILL him if he smashed cake in my face. After spending $100 on having my make-up done I sure as heck didn’t want it ruined! Dollar dance is just plain rude. Guests already brought you a gift they shouldn’t have to pay you for a dance. Yes, people want the centerpieces. You don’t have to raffle them off though….people will just take. Personally, I made homemade chocolate to place on everyone’s plate. The person who had the "wedding bell’s" instead of the hearts was the one who got to keep the centerpiece. It’s your wedding though. Be creative (if that’s your style). Do what you think will make your day perfect.
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By geistswoman on Nov 3, 2009

The Money Dance, I think mostly depends on where you are and the people you are inviting. Our guests wanted us to do one! We had forgotten about it and weren’t really that concerned, but since we had been approached many times by many guests, we went ahead and did it! Again, I think it depends on where you are!
The garter and bouquet toss! I have been to more and more weddings that have left this out completely, as did I! I just really didn’t care to do it! But it all depends on where you are again! Some regions are big on traditions, others not so much!
As far as the other things you listed, I’m not really big on any of them! But, if the bride and groom want it, I’m not going to sit and say no don’t do it! I mean it is an event centered around them and how they want things!
However, I will say that I wouldn’t be too keen on letting a stranger put a garter on me just because he caught it in the toss! I do find that a little not so comforting!
And as I said before, the others I’ve never heard of, so I’m not really sure! Maybe it is a tradition that is common in your area, but not mine! Overall, it’s up to you to decide what traditions you want to include or not! People on here aren’t in the same circle as you, so it needs to fit you and your circle!
Good luck and congrats!
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I worked through College as a Wedding and Events Coordinator for the leading Country Club in my area. I still do some event planning for friends and family.

By jen on Nov 3, 2009

I don’t know how or why the ‘cake smash’ got started, but it horrifies me every time I see it. The actual tradition is that the bride and groom feed one another a symbolic bite of cake to represent the way they intend to take care of one another in their married life. Smashing frosting all over each other’s faces really isn’t a good way to show loving support.

As for the removal of the garter, it can be perfectly respectable or it can be a ghastly embarrassment depending entirely on how it’s handled. If the groom sticks his head up the bride’s skirt, striptease music is played, or the garter is placed at the top of the thigh, then it’s tasteless. If it’s just above or just below the bride’s knee and simply slipped off, then it’s fine.

Expecting the man who catches the garter and the woman who catches to the bouquet to do more than pose in one photograph together is tacky. A quick photo with prizes, though, is fine. If it’s posed with him placing the garter on her leg, he can be just slipping it on at ankle height. On the other hand, sometimes one or the other has a date that will take this sort of photo badly. Proceed with caution.

The dollar dance is only marginally acceptable if your ethnic background is from certain areas of Eastern Europe, such as Poland or Hungary. If neither family has a background from these places, please don’t do it. Contact with the bride and groom can be accomplished in a much more dignified way by having a receiving line and/or having the bride and groom circulate the room.

I’ve never been to a wedding where the centerpieces were raffled off. Please tell me this isn’t something guests buy tickets for! Centerpieces may be offered to particular honored guests, or one may simply spread the word around that guests are welcome to help themselves at the end of the party. Some people would probably like to take the flowers, and if they do, well, that’s a little less left to clean up.
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By gileswench on Nov 3, 2009

a lot of it depends on the couple and their personalities. the cake smash is kinda funny for some people, but i told my fiance that if he even thought about smashing cake in my face, then i’d smash my fist into his. with the whole garter situation, i don’t have a problem with it, as long as he doesn’t try to take it off with his teeth, not because i’d be embarassed, but that’s not really something i want our grandparents to witness. with the weddings i’ve attended, the guy that catches the garter usually wears it on his arm, and he shares a dance with the bouquet toss winner, nothing too embarassing. i’ve never attended a wedding with a dollar dance, but one wedding had the father of the bride carry around the bride’s shoes, and asks guests to fill the shoes with money, apparently that’s an old custom of their heritage or something. i’ve also seen a couple money trees, just set up on the reception gift table, nobody made any announcements about them or anything, it was just there in case you wanted to contribute to it, but it wasn’t expected. i won’t be having one in my wedding, because my fiance’s extended family are all well-off educated people, and i don’t want them to think that we’re tacky and cheap. i’ve never heard of raffling centerpieces, i just thought i’d give mine to family and friends that helped us out with the wedding as an extra thank you.
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By LoriBeth on Nov 3, 2009

The tackiest thing I have seen at a wedding was when the groomsmen handcuffed the groom and pulled down his zipper and put a huge rubber penis hanging out and then paraded him around through the reception to the amusement or horror (depending on how much people had to drink) of the guests. Surprisingly, this marriage has since ended in divorce!
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By rainingcatsanddogs51 on Nov 3, 2009

I personally think that anything that is crude and disrespectful should not take place in a wedding.

I’m not doing none of that on my wedding. No stupid cake in the face, no raunchy garter toss, I think it’s embarrasing and in poor taste.

Dollar dances … I will not do such awful thing in my wedding. The only people that dance for money are strippers. This is totally crass.

I’m NOT doing the crappy plastic wedding bells and, if I can get away with it, I don’t want any boring speeches at my wedding either. I’m also not having flower girls…. that’s is so passe.

No corny cake topper. They are so 60’s.

I’m not doing the unity candle. I find it cumbersome and even dangerous.

Why spending 20k on a wedding to make it "different" and do what everyone else does? It just doesn’t make any sense.

I want a wedding that is not full of corny cliches. Who says that you have to perform all of those horrendous acts in spite of yourself? Not me!

Good luck
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By Blunt on Nov 3, 2009

I don’t know if I consider some of the traditions tacky, but I personally don’t care for any of the ones that you mentioned and will not be having them in my wedding.

Cake smash – I find the people who do the cake smash rather juvenile. I think that it should be a cute and tender moment when feeding one another the first bite of cake which symbolizes a sweet life together.

Garter Removal/toss – I have only seen one groom remove the garter with his teeth and I felt that it was inappropriate. The garter removal in general is fine if the groom doesn’t make it overly sexual. I will not be doing the garter or bouquet toss at my wedding because I have never enjoyed being singled out as a single gal and I don’t plan doing it to any of the guests at my wedding. I have never seen a toss where anybody really wanted to catch the garter or bouquet. It usually sort of falls into somebody’s hands or on the floor where the closest person picks it up. I definitely think that having the garter catcher putting it on the bouquet catcher’s leg is putting people on the spot and might be very embarrassing for some individuals.

Dollar Dance – This is very common in the south and I think that it is just fine if it is culturally appropriate for you. My family would have no problems with this, but we’re not having a dance at our reception.

I’ve never heard of raffling off the centerpieces. They are often given as gifts of "thank you" for people that have helped out a lot.
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By KMS on Nov 3, 2009

Some of those traditions are not UK traditions.

i think it is horrible to smash cake into someones face, I would be so embarrassed and it would ruin my day. I hate that, so many brides look upset by that.

I don’t think I will be getting my legs out at the reception, my groom can take the garter off in private. I’d never put people on the spot by making them exchange the garter etc.

Dollar dances we don’t do in the UK, we also don’t raffle the centrepieces.
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By sparkleythings_4you on Nov 3, 2009

Maybe it’s my age (32), but we’re not doing most typical wedding traditions.

Cake smash – No way! We both agree if we’re looking that good we’re not going to ruin it with a food fight.

Garter toss – I find offensive and not appropriate for our religious family members.

Bouquet toss – I’ve never liked them when I was a guest at a wedding so I don’t want to subject my guests to it. Also, we don’t have a lot of single people coming so it would seem silly to do for just 5 girls.

Dollar dance – this is a cultural tradition that’s not a part of our culture so we’re not doing it. It would offend our families.

I’ve never heard of raffling off centerpieces before. Since I want to resale the vases on craigslist, I probably won’t raffle them. And you’re right, people wouldn’t want them anyway…they barely take the favors home.

So basically the only thing we’re doing is the cake cutting, first dance, toasts….and that’s about all. We want to attend our cocktail reception so no big entrance and we’re having sparklers instead of throwing stuff or blowing bubbles.
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By Peace on Nov 3, 2009

Go with the traditions of your families and think about your guest list.

I modified the boquet toss to be a fourtune toss because there aren’t hardly any single gals that will be there.

Hubby is throwing granny panties he’ll pretend to pull from under my skirt instead of a garter.

I already told him I don’t want cake up my nose.

As far as the dollar dance or the money tree. I had never seen that as a wedding but with his family its a tradtion.

Asian brides wear red wedding dresses, western wear white and say red is tacky.

I think just like anything, traditions are judged all how you approach them. The "money tree" is going to have a bowl with cards and pens so the guests can choose to put advice instead of money. As for the dollar dance i was afraid that my family would see it as grubbing for money because they didn’t know the tradition behind it. We are going to explain and let them know that they can dance without a bill if they want rather than just asking people to start stuffing the apron.

I think "raffling" the centerpieces is stupid. I mean some people love to take them home but its not something that I would consider a prize worth making a big deal over.

Go with your heart and your gut on them and you’ll never go wrong. For me, tackiness is made 80% of intention and the rest is just opinons.
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By pspoptart on Nov 3, 2009

Not necessarily tacky, but some have definitely lost their steam… I’ve never seen the cake smash, and it’s plain stupid. Were I to do one thing over, it would be to not have the garter toss. It’s really sexist. I was so proud of my niece who got married and wouldn’t do it, but tossed an embroidered fancy hanky with chocolate kisses in it.
Have seen money dances at two ethnic weddings, and think it’s just absurd. Fine, maybe if you don’t take a gift as well! At the first we weren’t prepared at all, and hubby had to slip out to find an ATM!
The centrepiece thing, I’m neutral on. Maybe just a sticker under a chair, and if that person doesn’t want it, the people at the table could decide who wants it.
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By Lydia on Nov 3, 2009

I absolutely HATE the cake smashing thing…talk about aggressive behavior. I don’t think it’s cute or funny in the least. I photograph weddings, however, so I see it from time to time.

The garter thing can be cute, or it can go too far. I have seen a drunk groom bury his head under the bride’s gown for a loooong time, it was really inappropriate for public display, especially since there were children attending. I have not seen the garter winner put it on the bouquet catcher’s leg. Some people would take that in stride, and some would be horribly embarrassed. I would never orchestrate that as photographer, and I’ve never had a bride say to do that. I hope that’s not a coming trend . I do take the bouquet catcher’s picture with the bride, and try to grab the garter guy’s picture with his prize.

Dollar dance? Tacky, in my opinion. Doesn’t happen too often in my market. (NC rural area)

Some centerpieces are really nice…I have seen some I would love to bring home! So, not tacky, my vote,

In the end, just do what feels right to make your day special. My daughter hated the garter throw, so she didn’t do it, but she did toss the bouquet. Some crowds are really into that sort of thing, and some times you have to muster enough people to take part.

Good luck in your upcoming wedding!
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By Ara57 on Nov 3, 2009

I told my husband before we even started planning…no cake smashing. I paid WAY too much for my dress & everything done that day to just get cake all over me, plus I always found it to be, well, awful. Some guest were actually upset we DIDN’T smash cake in each others faces. Nuts in my book.

We didn’t do the garter or the flower toss because we both hated those at weddings. Funny enough, we both refused to particpiate in those at other weddings. I don’t find singling out single women or crawling up the brides dress to get a garter very tasteful. Just me, I don’t care if other weddings have it, I just sit those activties out.

The Dollar Dance is something I didn’t even know existed until Answers & I have to admit that I’m thankful for that. I hope to never see that at a wedding in my life. Might as well have a donation jar at the door.

As far as the centerpieces, people actually asked at the wedding (a couple before even) if they could have them. I’ve never heard of having a raffle, but I did make sure to let those who wanted them to know that it was fine, if no one took them home they were just going to be trashed. People like flowers, no need to waste anything if others may want them.

As far as what you eliminate, it’s your wedding. There are always going to be unhappy people, like I mentioned some guest expressed disappointment that we didn’t smash cake in our faces. I personally don’t like it, but if others want to do it good for them. If you want to do the gater or flower toss, go for it, but please don’t be one of those people who tries to force others to be involved. Basically, do what makes YOU happy, but be sure not to force others into it.
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By layla983 on Nov 3, 2009